DATING DO’s and DON’TS for GUYS…

Posted by Lisa C. on Apr 29, 2012 in DATING & RELATIONSHIPS | 5 comments

Felipe, played by Javier Bardem in Eat Pray Love offers a simple, laid back date with Liz in Thailand.

Guys before you ask a girl out please please read this. Consider it my gift to you and my way of giving you a cheat sheet to the pass/fail test that is dating. Follow these guidelines and trust me, your life will be much easier.

• DO MAKE PLANS! DON’T just ask her out and then leave the planning up to her. That screams laziness and if you’re lazy when it comes to planning the date the presumption is that you’ll be lazy in bed. Not sexy. This is your chance to be the man, step up and show her what you’re about.
• DON’T tell her where you’re going. Just tell her what she should wear and then let her genuine reaction to your choice help you determine if she’s worthy of a second date. Cool women like surprises and effort made for them. Stuck up, control freaks want to know if the place you choose meets her standard. If she insists on knowing exactly where you are going, either cancel the date or tell her but mark it as a red flag.
• DO understand timing. It takes a woman about an hour to and hour and a half to get ready. Account for this when asking her out. It’s ok to ask her how long she needs to get ready. It’s also ok to have a standard for this. Personally any woman who can’t get herself together in an hour is insecure. PERIOD. How many times does a woman need to change your outfit and primp her hair. If a woman takes longer than an hour to get ready it’s ok never to date her again. Permission granted!
  

  Women want to look their best for you. BUT...getting ready shouldn't take more than an hour.

• DO start off with a causal, no-pressure meet up. Start with a drink at a restaurant that you already know is a go-to spot. The people know you there. They treat you well. Start off with drinks at the bar and if the conversation is going well and there’s mutual chemistry, ask if she’d like to get a table. If you’re not feeling it, or she’s not feeling it pay the bill kiss the cheek and leave. Total time invested 2 hours (including shower, shave and drive time).
• DO invite her out to meet you with friends to see how she handles herself.
• DO hit the ATM before you pick her up. Always have at least $80 in cash on you to cover taxis, tips to valet, any other thing that can’t be charged with credit cards.
• DO clean your car. Remove all papers, files, wires, empty plastic bottles. Actually grow up and keep your car neat and clean. There should be NOTHING on the passenger seat by the time you pick her up. No one wants to sit in a garbage can on wheels.
• DON’T get shitfaced wasted on a date…EVER! Being a staggering sloppy mess on the verge of driving your car off the Macarthur Causeway is not a hot look. Leave the 5 shots of Patron for a night where you both are out with friends with a designated driver.
• DON’T hold your knife and fork like you are killing something. Check out some YouTube videos about proper table manners or better yet drop The Prfct Gentleman a note for a quick table demo. He’s based in Miami and knows his stuff when it comes to table manners that don’t only help with the ladies but with business. Find him here via Facebook. http://www.facebook.com/prfctgentleman
  

  A cluttered car is a turnoff. Clean it up.

• DO walk on the sidewalk closest to the street.
• DO open doors.
• DO ask her what kind of food she likes and if she has any food allergies. Personally, I find allergies of any kind to be a royal pain in the ass and a deal breaker. But that’s just me. I’m not maternal. A guy with sniffles and constant whine about allergies will annoy me to no end. So if the allergy thing doesn’t fly with you don’t go on a date with her. Put her in the friend-zone and move along.
• DON’T spend more than $100 total on the meal until you are dating at least 2 months. I don’t care if you make $250k a year. SAVE the fancy dinners for someone you’re serious about. It will mean more.
• DO take a chance and ask out a super smoking hot girl.
• DON’T be a dick and insult her or pout and beg when she turns you down.
• DO share dessert.
• DO have a plan for doing something after the dinner that DOESN’T involve going back to someone’s place. Try going for a nice walk along a favorite street, or the beach, or a find a quiet hotel lounge to go talk more so you can get to know her.
• DO ask questions and make an effort to get to know her.
  

  Holding a woman's hand is always sexy. She may grab your arm. Let her have it.

• What do you do for fun?
• Do you have siblings?
• What were you like in high school?
• Do you watch sports?
• Do you like to cook?
• Do you have a dog?

These questions will lead to more conversation and open the door to reveal more without it being so heavy and intense.

• DON’T buy her another drink without asking her first if she would like another. You’ll come across as some d-bag trying to get her drunk.
• DO make her laugh.
• DO NOT BURP or FART until you have EARNED the right to do so. These things come with intimacy which comes through a bond and trust. Even then there are boundaries. While over time these bodily actions may be allowed in the home it is NEVER acceptable in public.
• DON’T have your cell phone out on the table. You are with her. Nothing else matters until you’re not with her anymore –only exception… to take a picture of you both together and text it to her or a family member is in the hospital.
• DON’T BLAST music in the car. TALK to her!!
• DON’T overdo the cologne. She should be able to smell you when she leans in for a hug or kiss. TIP: put the cologne on after you come out of the shower so it has time to settle into your skin.
• DON’T flirt with the bartender, cocktail waitress, server, anyone. Be polite, be charming. If you aren’t feeling the date but like the chick that works there better you can always come back and speak to her at a different time.
• DO cut to the chase. If you know you are looking for a wife or a quick lay be clear with your intentions upfront. Saying you don’t want a relationship is negative. Instead, it’s better to say you prefer to get to know someone to determine how much more you want to know, if anything. She’s probably thinking the same thing. A person that you think isn’t relationship material can, over time, show you what they have your back and despite seeing you at your worst, they may still want to be around.
  

  Once you're togeteher put the phone away. Nothing else should matter.

• DO be honest and true to who you are. If you like to watch football on Sunday, don’t invite her to join unless she’s actually going to watch the game as a guy would. If you don’t like to dress up then pick a place that’s causal and laid back. If she objects then you know she’s not your girl.
• DO NOT try to get into her home or invite her to yours on the first, second or even third date.
• DON’T be lazy and try to cut to the relationship without the courtship. The courtship is how you get to know each other. Some men seem to think this is the “fake” period where both people are on their best behavior and would prefer to just cut to the chase and advance to relationship mode.
• DO understand that a relationship isn’t granted it is earned through time, bonding and building trust. This is why a couple can be “hanging out” for a year before it escalates into something more serious if it ever does.
• DO introduce her to EVERYONE in the group if she meets you out with your friends. If you don’t introduce her to the tall blonde you keep talking to she’ll presume there’s a reason you’re not making the introduction and will immediately think you’re shady or trying to use both women to boost your own ego. If she has a brain she’ll excuse herself. A woman who knows her worth NEVER competes.
• DO a thorough assessment. Take time to think about the night, replay conversations, red flags, positive qualities, and decide if you want to really know more or if it’s just attraction.
•  DO send her a text when you get home thanking her for a fun night (if she sends you a thank you text first, respond and wish her goodnight).
• DO make plans with her again within 48 hours if you want to see her again. If you liked her on Saturday night then by Monday you should be making plans to see her again by Wednesday. You should see her once during the week and once on the weekend. If work schedules only allows for weekends be clear and tell her that upfront. Managing expectations is important from the start.
• DO NOT invite her out for the same night. Tell her you would like to see her again and ask her what her week is like. Pick a day/time that works for both of you. Exception: once you already had sex and have been together long enough to EARN the right to be spontaneous. Again… don’t be lazy and look for shortcuts. EARN your way into her life and allow the time for you to get to know her. Spontaneity is great but not in the beginning. Don’t be the guy who asks a woman he barely knows to join him for a weekend in Puerto Rico. It makes you seem unstable an play-boyish. Form a bond with her, build trust and she’ll follow you to the end of the earth and will be up for anything. Wouldn’t you rather celebrate your 6 months together on a weekend jaunt that to discover after $3000 that she’s a head case? Gather your details.
• DO BE SWEET and THOUGHTFUL. If she mentions that her favorite candy growing up were Sweet Tarts, buy a pack and give them to her. Tell her you were at CVS, saw Sweet Tarts and thought of her. It’s $1.00 and the gesture shows her you listen. You’ll reap the rewards for behaviors like this.

Dating doesn’t have to feel like an interview. If you behave as a gentleman, are funny, smart, engaging then just be yourself. Don’t misbehave purposely to test her. That just shows you are scared. She’ll know a good guy when she sees one. She’ll see through the rough spots and fumbles and may even laugh chalking it up to nervousness. Have fun and think of it as making a new friend.