GOD KILL THE QUEEN of DRAMA
Ladies!! Yes WOMEN, I’m calling you on your bullshit. That’s right just because I too have a vagina, doesn’t mean I automatically agree with any load of BS you choose to hand out. So here’s the deal. You are turning guys off with your incessant need to stir the pot of drama soup.
“WHOOO MEEEEE I Haaaaate drama.” Yeah yeah whatever. Actions speak louder than words and men are flat out saying women, despite saying they don’t want any drama, grab some popcorn and sit, watch and even add some additional drama to the mix.
FACT #1: Your life isn’t a reality TV Show so stop living like it is. If you truly don’t like drama, you avoid it at all costs. This means you are strategic and carefully choose the people and situations you surround yourself with. Guys pay attention to this. The best way to PROVE you don’t like drama is to go places ALONE. This shows guys you don’t need an entourage of women by your side and why?? Because you want to avoid drama and travel light. Another way to show you are drama averse is to flag situations that would invite drama. For example, “your best friends new girlfriend is a bit of a drama queen. I can hang with her and be nice, but I’m not a fan of her needy, whiny sun sets on my ass bullshit she seems to always dish out.”
FACT #2: Guys don’t like Mean Girls so don’t be one. Gossiping about girlfriends and then air kissing them on the cheek when you run into them, is the exact BS that turns guys off. They pay attention. When you gossip do it like a guy. Speak their language. Here’s some Rosetta Stone inspired translations:
Girls say: “Wow my friend Maria is a total bitch. I can’t believe she told Carla that 3 years ago I hooked up with the dude she’s been dating. I wanted to tell her myself. My God now I have to call Carla and straighten this whole mess out. I have to get my nails done and pick up my dress from the dry cleaners I don’t have time for this DRAAAMAAAA.”
Here’s how to say the exact same thing to a guy in a way that won’t make him want to pitch himself off your terrace.
“I have to call my friend Carla and then run some errands so I should be ready by like 8. Cool?”
Bottom line is guys don’t need to know every detail of your life. Make yourself more mysterious and keep whatever BS drama you have going on in your life to yourself.
Girls say: “Wow I think Stacey is getting her boobs done. She’s so insecure. She should get her nose done while she’s at it. Did you know she hooked up with two guys in the bathroom at LIV? Who the hell does that?”
Guy gossip is more like this: “Hey so that chick Stacy that’s Steve’s dating is getting her boobs done. Steve’s freaking out because he can’t touch them for like 4 weeks or something. Hilarious.”
The difference is there’s judgmental gossip and then there’s factual news gossip. Guys gossip too but they do it in a different way. Learn how to communicate like a man if you truly want a drama free existence. Sometimes remaining quiet has even more impact.
FACT #3: FAMILY DRAMA is just as or MORE annoying than friend drama and work drama.
Women think that just because it’s an argument with a sibling it’s different. Nope. It’s still drama. Your date, boyfriend, or husband doesn’t give a rat’s ass that you and your sister are still fighting about $100 you owe towards a Mother’s day present. Settle your matters on your own maturely if you don’t want to be perceived as an attention seeking drama queen.
Ladies, please be smart and determine the kind of attention you want from your man before you open your yapper unleashing drama. Don’t you want your man to compliment you and laugh with you and genuinely have a great time with you? Don’t you want him to randomly text you because he’s cracking up about something that happened the last time you hung out? Don’t you want him to say he likes you because you’re cool, rational, listen to advice and that you avoid drama? OF COURSE!!
Stop thinking that any form of attention is good. While you are ranting about the receptionist at the dentist office not being able to get you in to see the dentist on the day you needed, your man is tuning you out and looking at me thinking… see now that’s a fun chick. BE the fun chick.
This isn’t to say I don’t have drama in my life. I do trust me, more than most. But I try my best to handle my drama without making it a burden to anyone else. When I’m out and about I’m up for fun not drama. When I’m at a table sharing a meal with people it’s about laughter and enjoyment. So even when describing my drama it’s in a self deprecating way that makes people laugh and relate.
Drama is when you go to a place and your man’s ex walks in and you flip out accuse him of still being in love with her and your night is ruined. Dignity is when you read the situation and make a decision that commands respect. For example, you run into his ex. She looks AMAZING!! She approaches your man and hugs him, “hiiiiiiiiii, oh my Godddddd, how arrrrreee youuuuuuu.” The drama avoidant move would be to stand there smiling looking at them both until they notice you’re standing there. That would warrant an introduction and if none is made, extend your hand and introduce yourself. There’s a total bad ass way to do this too. “Hi I’m Lisa.” Then see how your man responds. If he puts his arm around you then zip it. Let body language do the rest. She’ll be moving alone making her exit in 5 seconds. BUT if he stands apart from you for more than 3 seconds say, “I’ll let you two catch up. I’ll be over there by the bar.” Then walk away find space at the bar, order a drink and strike up conversation with the first person you see standing in the direction AWAY from your guy and his ex. THAT IS DRAMA AVOIDANT. You won’t be able to look and see anything because your back is turned. This forces the guy to look at YOU and see what YOU are doing at the bar while he’s talking to his ex. In about 90 seconds, his ass will be coming to get you.
HIM: “You didn’t have to leave like that.”
YOU: “Yes I did. You both needed a moment to catch up. It’s cool. Hey so ya know that dude over there is a physical therapist for the Marlins. He gave me his card and said he knows of a good chiropractor who can help me deal with that shoulder kink I have.”
HIM: “That’s cool.”
YOU: “So what are you thinking of eating. I’m torn between chicken or pasta.”
HIM: “So ex girlfriend comes over and nothing…Don’t you want to know what we talked about?”
YOU: “Did you talk about how breaking up was a mistake and how you need to ditch this little brunette so you can marry her and move to Aventura?”
HIM: (laughing) “HELLLLS NO, she’s an ex for a reason.”
YOU: “OK so then what you spoke about is between you two and unless it impacts me, or my decision between chicken or pasta then no, I’m not concerned.”
HIM: “Holyshit most girls would…”
YOU: “Well that’s the thing. I’m not most girls. I’m a woman and women handle things very differently, at least this one does. Yeah, I’m going with chicken.
HIM: Ok you get the chicken. I get the pasta and we switch plates midway.
You proceed to have a great meal, loads of conversation, a lovely evening followed by amazing “no drama” sex.
Living a drama free life takes work and effort. You have to navigate things in a very specific way. Having rules helps with this.
RULE #1: I don’t compete. If a guy is talking to another woman I don’t argue, pout, roll eyes, I simply walk away. PERIOD.
RULE #2: I only surround myself with fun, upbeat people with full, fun, lives.
RULE #3: I offer advice on the same topic three times then the subject is off limits. I make this clear to the person. People know who to go to share their drama BS with. I’m not one of them.
RULE #4: I will SQUISH any and all drama. This requires you to be confrontational and assertive with the shit stirrer. Drama queens don’t like to be called on their crap. When you snap back and tell them straight up that what they are doing isn’t permitted they’ll most likely take their drama elsewhere and fast.
RULE #5: I will abide by “the witching hour” and leave anyplace by 3am. Nothing good ever happens after 3am. Being out past 3 am invites drama. You’ll lose your phone, trip off the curb and sprain an ankle, witness an accident or worse be in one. Just avoid the post witching hour and get your ass a taxi by 2:45am.
Well ladies I hope you come away with some nuggets that will help you clear the clutter of drama in your life. Free yourself from the burdens and open yourself to bigger drama… a relationship. Ha!!